he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
