I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want to make out with him forever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
