I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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