I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
