There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
