So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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