Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
high people should be assigned attendants
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
