can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
