I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My vagina is officially offended.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
