I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
