you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
