is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
