its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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