your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
