bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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