im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?