make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My glasses were in the garbage this morning