chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
