I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful