im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
