Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
