Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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