You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
