I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
