I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
