It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
