i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
