just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
operation have a gay friend backfired
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
