Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
