My balls are so social today.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize