On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
