Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
