is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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