U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
