Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
