i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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