i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
