Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
