the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.