ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
