Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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