I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
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I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.