woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday