He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS