Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
