Ambien. No doubt about it.
there's paper in my vomit.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
