my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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