we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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