Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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