He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
