so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
