dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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