She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
