So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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