He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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