Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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