I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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