Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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