I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You made out with two different species that night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
