sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
