He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
don't judge my taste in strippers
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
