it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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