Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
