What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
