I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
