those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
