My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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