Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
