I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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