This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.