Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.

(208): View more from Idaho

ha well at least you have goals.

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(208): Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong. (208): ha well at least you have goals. http://tfl.nu/c71p

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(845): View more from New York

Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.

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(845): Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes. http://tfl.nu/h1wx

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(360): View more from Washington

Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

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(360): Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything. http://tfl.nu/kqmn

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(408): View more from California

we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.

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(408): we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this. http://tfl.nu/wyn5

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(801): View more from Utah

Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas

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(801): Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas http://tfl.nu/kcjf

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.

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(414): I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions. http://tfl.nu/so75

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left

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(918): I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left http://tfl.nu/o2bv

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(425): View more from Washington

I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.

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(425): I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it. http://tfl.nu/dgh5

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(706): View more from Georgia

I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself

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(706): I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself http://tfl.nu/6gni

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(305): View more from Florida

One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.

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(305): One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud. http://tfl.nu/ff3s

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(352): View more from Florida

This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.

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(352): This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza. http://tfl.nu/8owv

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(914): View more from New York

I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.

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(914): I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me. http://tfl.nu/fqr3

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(585): View more from New York

S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.

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(585): S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding. http://tfl.nu/j7eu

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(479): View more from Arkansas

The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.

(479): View more from Arkansas

Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

This is why I married you.

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(479): The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning. (479): Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight? (1-479): This is why I married you. http://tfl.nu/g5es

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(206): View more from Washington

I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.

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(206): I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra. http://tfl.nu/2ofq

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