What should our trivia night team be named?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.