how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
