Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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