Texts From Last Night

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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to use my car keys to open my door

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  I just started a sentence with yellow.

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  (778): I tried to use my car keys to open my door (1-778): I just started a sentence with yellow. http://tfl.nu/gagl
  Replies (9) Good night (1853) Bad night (682)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule

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  (512): got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule http://tfl.nu/94hw
  Replies (16) Good night (7080) Bad night (846)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes

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  (815): you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/koyr
  Replies (195) Good night (999) Bad night (8425)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Colt 45 out of anything is classy.

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  (704): I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy. (919): Colt 45 out of anything is classy. http://tfl.nu/9zxf
  Replies (17) Good night (4643) Bad night (950)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

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  (609): my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway. http://tfl.nu/j8p7
  Replies (28) Good night (1494) Bad night (9901)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?

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  (908): do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants? http://tfl.nu/rdvq
  Replies (9) Good night (2895) Bad night (1144)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody

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  (774): its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody http://tfl.nu/wrf2
  Replies (12) Good night (2762) Bad night (851)
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  (516): View more from New York

  drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries

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  (516): drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries http://tfl.nu/4gv5
  Replies (4) Good night (3149) Bad night (829)
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  (585): View more from New York

  ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.

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  (585): ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity. http://tfl.nu/72qs
  Replies (17) Good night (3142) Bad night (1102)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  he ran through my sliding door

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers

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  (815): he ran through my sliding door (1-815): in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers http://tfl.nu/3l97
  Replies (5) Good night (2381) Bad night (698)
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  (408): View more from California

  I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.

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  (408): I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate. http://tfl.nu/p4ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1174) Bad night (692)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.

  (210): View more from Texas

  my parents really loved me back then.

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  (210): I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed. (210): my parents really loved me back then. http://tfl.nu/7xue
  Replies (9) Good night (1469) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.

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  (971): I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney. http://tfl.nu/myp2
  Replies (22) Good night (2193) Bad night (822)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"

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  (425): It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord" http://tfl.nu/9kd9
  Replies (3) Good night (541) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD

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  (615): The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort. (615): UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD http://tfl.nu/osbc
  Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (381)

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