So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life