i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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