i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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