I think my fart just growled at me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
