you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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