I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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