i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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