i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
