i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
